Tonight I Wanna Cry
by SparklingSibuna
Summary: (Rewritten- Lyric mistakes have been corrected). After a tragic accident, Patricia is left emotionally shattered. Now a ghost of her former self, she can't help but relive the past, the blissful moments when the love of her life was her's, and feel as though she took him for granted. Song-Fic to Keith Urban's "Tonight I Wanna Cry".


**Hello there, fellow House of Anubis FanFiction readers! Although I posted this story last night, I was reading over it once it appeared on the website, and realized that I had made several large errors in copying and pasting several portions of the lyrics to the afore mentioned song. My apologies- After all, first publications are always a bit frazzled, aren't they? Without further ado, to those of you who haven't read this yet, I hope you enjoy my first story, which happens to be set in the future. I do not own, nor claim to own, the rights to Keith Urban's song "Tonight I Wanna Cry". No copyright infringement intended. Happy (or tragic) reading!**

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_Alone in this house again tonight_

_Got the TV on, _

_The sound turned down,_

_And a bottle of wine_

As much as part of me longed for the company of Joy, Mara, Nina, Amber, KT, even Willow, any of them, I couldn't let them see me like this, in my destroyed state. Sitting alone in the dark, sipping wine from a crystalline glass, obsessively fingering my glittering engagement ring, not daring to turn the lights on. This apartment used to be a vibrant place, full of the things we had bought and the times we had shared. Before everything in my life came crashing down in a spiral of sirens and flashing lights and the gradually slowing beeps of that wretched heart monitor.

_There's pictures of you and I _

_On the walls around me_

_The way that it was and could've been _

_Surrounds me_

_I'll never get over you walking away_

All at once I had slammed the glass onto the floor, where it shattered musically into a million unfixable pieces. I was stronger than this pain, than all of the people in this life who turned to alcohol as a form of escape. Forcing myself not to give in to its tempting cry, which would surely muddle my thoughts and stop all of the memories from flooding back to me, I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, doing my best to block out the feelings that insisted on taking root in my soul. All of the play-fights, the fake-hatred, the silly bets that the two of us had taken part in at Anubis, which now seemed light years ago. Everything had been so simple then. First kisses and stupid little displays of jealousy. Carrot fights and mystery-solving. Side-by-side, always. But then we stepped into the grown-up world, into harsh reality, and nothing came easily anymore. But we paid bills and balanced checkbooks and went shopping, just like any other couple. Sometimes incompatible, occasionally unrealistic, but always there for each other to lean on every time that things got rocky. But now, just when I needed him most, just when I felt I was on the very brink of insanity, he wasn't here. Nor would he ever be again. Never again would I hear his smug laugh, never again would I see the know-it-all smirk that I had had memorized for so long. Just as I felt that I was going to lose it, something caught my eye. A gleam of light on the table beside me. Reaching over into the darkness, thankful for the temporary distraction, my fingers groping around on the smooth wood, I realized what it was. Pulling the picture frame close to my chest, not having to look at it to know that it was a photo of the two of us that Amber had taken on the day he had proposed, a surge of nostalgia hit me. That day was supposed to mark the beginning of our story, not the end of his days. Without him, the only person that I would ever fall in love with, the only person that had ever been able to bring my protective walls plummeting down, what did my future hold? I could still hear, over and over in my mind, the clanging of the front door as he stepped out into the night. Completely unaware that he would never return.

_I've never been the kind _

_To ever let my feelings show_

_And I thought that being strong meant never losing your self-control_

_But I'm just drunk enough_

_To let go of my pain_

_To hell with my pride_

_Let it fall like rain_

_From my eyes_

_Tonight I wanna cry_

How on Earth did I end up like this? For years on end, I had never let anyone hold my heart. I hadn't let anyone see my emotions before I had covered them up and remade myself into the strong, tough girl that I wanted them to see. But now, tears fell freely and silently from my eyes, my shoulders shaking with sobs. In the end, who cared if people saw me cry? Who cared about my stupid pride? Who cared if, for once, I let go like any other human on this planet?

_Would it help if I turned_

_A sad song on?_

_All by myself would sure hit me hard_

_Now that you're gone_

_Or maybe unfold some more _

_Yellow lost love letters_

_It's gonna hurt bad_

_Before it gets better_

_But I'll never get over you_

_By hiding this way_

Perhaps I knew, somewhere deep within the least-acknowledged corner of my mind, that I should move on. Dry my eyes and reenter the world. It would be the logical, sensible thing to do. But I had never been one to listen to logic. I was rash and brash and downright stupid sometimes. Furthermore, his last wish had been for me to get over him. "Don't cry too much," he'd whispered, the faintest shadow of his usual smile appearing on his graying face. And for a second, like a fool, I had let that ghost of a smile trick me into thinking that everything was going to be okay. That he would be okay. That the impact from the massive truck, operated by a driver that was lost in a world of alcohol-induced blurs, had not been strong enough to crush the life in him. But I was a fool, a complete, naïve fool. Life didn't work that way. Death didn't work that way. Because not a moment after I had been filled with false hope, he had drawn his last breath, and a silence louder than anything I'd ever heard had settled over that still, lifeless hospital room. The initial shock of losing him had lasted for what may have been minutes, or hours, or days, because the next time I was conscious of my actions was when I was driving home, a tear-streaked, shaking, mess of a person. I suppose the others had taken care of me for a period of time after that, but I couldn't be quite sure. I couldn't be quite sure of anything now.

_I've never been the kind _

_To ever let my feelings show_

_And I thought that being strong meant never losing your self-control_

_But I'm just drunk enough_

_To let go of my pain_

_To hell with my pride_

_Let it fall like rain_

_From my eyes_

_Tonight I wanna cry_

He had just gone to the store. He was just going to get some champagne to celebrate. He should've come back through that door.

I should've gone with him.

I knew it was useless to think like that, because, more than likely, I would have suffered the same fate. And even though I desperately wanted to be with him right now, more desperately than I have ever wanted anything in my entire life, I had managed to retain the fact that he wouldn't have wanted me to take his place, nor be in the same position as him, although I'd gladly do either. For the first, and only, love in my life, I'd do just about anything, even now.

_I've never been the kind _

_To ever let my feelings show_

_And I thought that being strong meant never losing your self-control_

_But I'm just drunk enough_

_To let go of my pain_

_To hell with my pride_

_Let it fall like rain_

_From my eyes_

_Tonight I wanna cry_

_Mmmmmm_

This was it, then. The end of him, the end of us, and, to a certain degree, the end of me. He had become so much a part of me over the last few years we had spent together. He was the one that taught me to love, that coaxed me out of my protective shell, that made me laugh when I felt like screaming. He was the reason that a ring adorned my finger today. He was the reason that I sat in the dark, alone and destroyed. He was everything that I ever told myself not to fall for, but ended up realizing that I had been missing my whole life. He was the only person whose love was strong enough to win me over. He was the only person that had ever tried. He was my other half. And since my other half was gone, well, I guess I'd just be half of the person I was meant to be... for the rest of my life.

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**Let me know if you enjoyed it, and if it brought tears to your eyes! That was my goal, but I'm not sure whether or not I achieved it (although I did cry while writing this). Also, while I don't plan on being an author that begs for reviews, they are appreciated.**

**Sibuna**


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